


The Wonderful Life of The Fabulous Killjoys

by DemolitionSerenade



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Frerard, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-10
Updated: 2012-12-10
Packaged: 2017-11-20 20:09:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemolitionSerenade/pseuds/DemolitionSerenade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Madness is not a state of mind, madness is a place, let's go there shall we?" Gerard whispered, just before he closed his eyes. Little did I know, it was for the last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wonderful Life of The Fabulous Killjoys

**Author's Note:**

> So in case you don't get it, they're written like journal entries. It'll make sense at the end.

"

Growing up isn't nearly as thrilling as people think. How could it be? I just turned sixteen, you see. Sixteen whole years. I've survived this long. Cool, huh? I've managed to keep myself alive. Well, of course I haven't done it alone. I have my parent's and my grandparent's. It's really cool. Yet, it's only my sixteenth birthday. I've had fifteen previous ones, so why is this one so special? It isn't. Except maybe it is, because this is the birthday I used to come out to my parent's. I promised myself when I was far too young to be making these decisions that I'd come out when I was sixteen. What five year old knew they were gay? I've always bee too mature for my age.

My parent's were thrilled when I came out. My mom just hugged me and said she'd always known. My dad grumbled to himself about not having grand kids and handed me my birthday present. So it went a lot better than I had thought, which was great.

Needless to say, I have a normal life with normal parent's. I'm a pretty happy kid with great grades in school and a passion for guitar. I'm going places, I know I am. There's no way I'm not. I'm Frank Iero, and this is my too normal for odd, but too odd for normal life.

 

I have three friends that really count. Bob Bryar, Ray Toro, and Mikey Way. They're great guys and they mean the world to me. Bob protects us, Ray makes us laugh and Mikey is a way for us to get away. He also has this totally cool older brother who doesn't treat us like babies. I think his name is Gerard.

Bob punched some kid for calling me names today. That was really sweet of him, I think. People think it's weird that the nicest thing Bob could do for you is hurting someone. It's not weird though, it's Bob. He doesn't really show emotion, which is fine. I mean, like I said... he's Bob. Really, how much emotion do you expect from a guy with that name?  
Ray told this joke that made everyone practically split a seem in lunch. I don't exactly remember what he said, because I wasn't listening. We were at Mikey's house, which meant Mikey's older brother was there. Mikey's older brother is really attractive. I'm a teenage boy, did you expect me not to stare?

"Hey guys." Gerard had said lazily when he walked in. Hey guys. Not 'hey Mikey's friends' because he respected us, which was cool.

"Hi Gerard." I said a little enthusiastically. He just grinned, leaning down to look me straight in the eye. He had pretty eyes.

"Hey Frank." His mouth was turned up in this grin as he watched me have a mini panic attack.

"How's it going?" I choked out. I was starting to sweat and get shaky, and all he was doing was looking at me. God, could I be any more of a loser?

"It's going good Frankie." He winked at me. He fucking winked. He knew what he was doing!

"Gerard." Mikey said, taking notice. "Quit it."

"Sorry." Gerard laughed. "See ya' later." He winked again before disappearing to his basement bedroom. Damn Mikey, damn him because I was just about to get flirty right back. If I ever stopped spazzing out. I probably wouldn't have. I take it back, Mikey.

 

Ray got this idea to start a band. It was a totally cool idea, because we could both play guitar like a motherfucker. Meaning, we weren't half bad. Bob was killer at drums. Mikey had this bass, and it was fucking beautiful. I'm pretty sure it was a present from Gerard, which was sweet. I wish I had a big brother.

So we all agreed to do this band thing. It actually wasn't so bad except none of us could sing. I could scream, really loud. I could also roll around like an idiot and flail. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't almost kill my friends in the process. I was really good at that.

We needed a place to practice, and Mikey offered up his garage. It wasn't that bad except that half of Gerard's room was under it. So basically we were keeping Gerard awake a lot because he slept all day. He came up and watched us practice sometimes, nodding his head in approval. Having him watching us made my heart beat really fast, and I blushed like crazy. So basically, he asked if he could sing with us because we were keeping him awake anyway. Why didn't anyone tell me he had such a beautiful voice?

 

We've had the band for a while now. We play gigs and people know the words to our songs. Mikey came up with the name 'My Chemical Romance'. He was always really good at naming things. I can't wait to see what he names his kids. But what I really want to talk about is the fact that, well, it's Gerard again. He asked me out. On a date. He wants to go see a movie. They're doing a horror movie night at the movie theater. He said we can see Frankenstein because my names Frankie. He called me his little Frankenstein.

"Frank!" He'd called after the gig. I ended up shutting my hand in my guitar case.

"Hey, Gee." I replied back casually, pretending my hand wasn't throbbing.

"I wanna take you on a date." he smiled, taking my hand and examining it. Clearly I wasn't good at hiding pain.

"A...date..." I replied back. He made a face, like I just hit him or something.

"Sorry. If you don't want to, it's cool..."

"No! No I want to." I smiled. And so, it was decided. We'd go on a date.

 

My mom laughed at me when Gerard came. I was freaking out! I'd spent the entire day looking for something to wear, which really shouldn't have taken too long. It's not like I have a lot of clothes. Anyway, I spent the entire day freaking out and when I'd finally found something I only had half an hour to get ready. I sped around the room like a hurricane. Yea, I'm cool.

"Hi, Mrs. Iero." I heard just as I opened my door.

"Hello Gerard." I could practically hear my mom smiling. I ran down the steps, which was a stupid idea. I fell off at the bottom and landed right on my ass. Good job, Frank.

"Oh hey Frankie." Gerard laughed. "You ready?"

"Ready." I barely breathed out. He looked fucking _fabulous_.

"You look nice." Gerard said, leading me out to the car. I better have, it took me all fucking day. We went and saw the movie, both fascinated and not the slightest bit scared. I loved that. I didn't want to look like a baby in front of him.

 

So, Gerard and I made it official. He was now my boyfriend. We were Frank and Gerard. Or maybe Gerard and Frank. Either way, we were a couple. It was really great because I got to kiss him on stage at gigs and shit. I really, really enjoyed kissing him. His face couldn't get any softer. I wonder what he did to it.

"Take care of my brother." Mikey had said.

"'Bout time." Bob said.

"Don't fuck in front of me." Ray said. And that, coming from them, was approval.

Gerard held my hand and told me I was beautiful all the time. He gave me butterflies and even though I was less clumsy now, I still stumbled over things a lot. Was that love? I could be in love with Gerard. I wouldn't mind. I wonder if he'd mind... I hope not.

 

 

 

Gerard picked me up from school and took me to the movies a lot. Sometimes we just laid on his couch, wrapped up in each other. I felt safe. I felt good. I felt like he belonged in my life. I guess turning sixteen was really special after all.

 

So he told me he loved me. Well, he didn't. Mikey did. Either way, he loved me and how could I not be thrilled? I just wish Mikey would have let him.

We were sitting in the Way's basement. Since I was dating Gerard now, his room kind of became the place we all chilled. Ray and Bob were playing some video game while Gerard drew. I sat on the bed talking music with Mikey.

"Frank, Gerard wants to tell you something." Mikey announced to the whole entire room. He had that signature Mikey Way smile on. The one that said 'I'm Mikey, you'll do what I say and you will like it.'

"Shut the fuck up Mikey." Gerard snapped. And of course Gerard could talk to Mikey like that, but no one else would dare.

"What is it Gerard?" I asked. It was freaking me out. What if it was bad? What if he thought I was too young and wanted to break up with me?

"Nothing Frankie." He'd said, short and simple.

"Gee..." I frowned. That's what got him, I think.

"He loves you!" Mikey said loudly, rolling his eyes. Gerard glared at him.

"Mikey fucking Way!"

"It's true." Mikey shrugged, barely dodging the pencil that went flying at his head.

"Is it?" I asked, self consciously. 

"It's true." Gerard nodded, retrieving his pencil and going back to his work. 

"Say it then." I said, standing up. He looked at me and smirked. Fuck him, this was not a time for games. "Frankie." He said, walking over and placing his hands on my hips. Ray and Bob were staring at us. Mikey was having a laugh attack on the floor. "Frankie, I love you." And then he kissed me forehead and went back to his picture.

"I love you too." I breathed out. I sat down again, because I didn't want to faint in front of everyone. Ray and Bob were gagging. Fuck them.

 

Ray told me he liked Mikey today. I spit my soda everywhere.

"What?" Ray said. His eyes were wild. I laughed at him.

"Mikey?" I questioned. "

Mikey." He'd confirmed. It was really weird, because who would have thought? Ray and Mikey? And apparently not even Bob knew. Bob and Ray were best friends. That made next to no sense to me.

"Tell him." I said simply, shrugging. I told Gerard that Ray liked Mikey. Turns out Mikey liked Ray too. It was actually starting to freak me out because, Ray and  _Mikey?_ Mikey and  _Ray?_

In what world did that make sense? Not mine. Did that make me a shitty friend?

 

Ray and Mikey kissed in front of everyone today. Well I guess we can all guess what that meant. That left Bob as the only single one. Bob needed a girlfriend. I'd get Mikey to find him one.

I don't think Gerard approved of his little brother dating, because he got all tense and weird. Or maybe it's just the PDA. I know he doesn't like that. In public he'll only hold my hand, but when we're alone it's like he can't keep his hands off of me. He says it's because 'you don't molest the ones you love in public. It's degrading.' That's just Gerard logic.

 

So Gerard turned twenty. It's weird, how old he is. He can drink next year, and I'll only be turning eighteen. I haven't even turned seventeen yet. We had this big gore themed party for him that Mikey and I planned for hours. It was really cool and a lot of people showed up. I didn't know Gerard had so many friends.

After the party, when everyone left and we'd cleaned up, Gerard and I went down to his room. We were laying on his bed, curled up together to keep warm. He was running his fingers through my hair, smiling down at me and keeping me close. I kept my face pressed into his chest, clinging to his shirt. He smelled so fucking  _good._

"Frank?" He asked. I looked up at him.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, looking down at me.

"You smell like cigarettes and body wash." I said simply, burying my face in his chest to inhale the scent again.

"Oh." He laughed. "Hey Frankie?"

"Yea Gee?" I asked.

"I love you." he kissed my head.

"I love you too."

We made love for the first time that night. He was gentle and sweet and unlike anything I'd ever experienced. He made me feel wanted. I couldn't deny how much I loved him, but why would I even try?

 

Seventeen doesn't get celebrated as much as sixteen. You get the presents and the birthday cake, which are great. You get the family get together, and the birthday punches. Yet, no one is as enthusiastic as they were the previous year, when you turned sixteen. Gerard was though, because it was the first birthday he spent with me. It was really cute how excited he was.

He showed up at my house at seven fucking am. Seven. who even gets up that early? Everyone knew he didn't, even my mom. My dad opened the door and apparently Gerard walked straight past him to the kitchen. I was then woken up to be fed the breakfast he felt he needed to prepare me. God, he was so sweet. And he could cook. Who knew?

My dad approved of Gerard, finally, because he made coffee and gave my dad his entire pack of cigarettes. I didn't tell him why my dad was out though. Secretly, not so secretly, I took his pack. I'd share with Gerard later.

We went out, visiting graveyards and shit in town and hanging out at the park. He took me to see Frankenstein again, because it was playing. Then we went to dinner and it was really nice. To top it all off, my parent's let him spend the night. They even pretended they didn't hear us having sex during the middle of the night. Bless their souls.

 

My parent's invited all of my friends over for Thanksgiving. It was a really really big thing. Everyone was over. Mikey, Ray, Bob, Gee... everyone important. We all cooked together and made a mess, because we could. Ray and Mikey got a little too into it and we had to send them to the basement to get it on. They returned an hour later with their clothes on backwards.

We said a prayer and all that shit to make my parent's happy. I included Gerard in mine. I asked for forever. It's not like I believed I'd get it though. If only.

 

Christmas was spent together as well. We all huddled together in my living room on Christmas morning, opening presents from each other and just having a really good fucking time. Why wouldn't we? Gerard and I were almost at our one year. January 18th. I was fucking stoked. Mikey and Ray acted like they'd been together longer than Gerard and I though. It was freaky. And Bob got a girlfriend. Basically, life was going fucking perfect.

Gerard got me a necklace. It was a locket with ''Till the end of time, my love' engraved in the back. I swear, I could barely hold back tears. I put it on right away and tackled him over, because how fucking sweet could he get? Best boyfriend ever.

 

New Years eve was really good. We got to have our 'midnight kiss' and we spent it surrounded by friends and family. Everything we did was with friends and family. I think that's how I knew I wanted him forever and for always.

He drank a lot after midnight though. He was knocking back drinks like it didn't mean a thing, and it really started to scare me. I'd never seen him drunk. He got mean when he drank, and it really sucked. I stayed away from him for the rest of the night.

 

Our one year. One whole fucking year. It felt fantastic. I opened the door for him at noon, and he picked me up spinning around muttering things like 'we made it!' and 'one fucking year, fuck.' I smiled and held onto him until he sat me down.

"Upstairs." He said, pulling me up the steps. When we were in my room, he looked at me with this silly grin on his face. I loved seeing him so fucking happy. He kissed my cheek and then did one thing I'd never expect. He got down on one knee and pulled a box from his pocket. "Frankie." He said. I couldn't breathe. I put my hand over my mouth and watched him. "Frankie, I love you. And I want to marry you, I want to spend my life with you. Please? Please don't reject this... please... spend forever with me." I started crying and knelt down in front of him. I kissed him and pulled him close, slipping my new ring onto my finger. We spent the rest of the day in bed.

 

"Frankie!" Mikey yelled. Mikey? What the fuck was Mikey doing here? I groaned and pulled my pillow over my head, because it was five fucking thirty and I was not getting the fuck up. He saved me the trouble and busted in the door for me. "Gee's in the hospital." And that was enough to get me out of bed and dressed as fast as I could.

We raced to the hospital. I'm pretty sure we broke a lot of traffic laws, but oh fucking well. This was more important than any fucking law. So, we got to the hospital and ran to the receptionist desk. The woman looked bored and irritated.

"Gerard Way?" Mikey asked. The lady looked through her books and pointed towards the waiting room.

"Family in there. Family only." She said, looking pointedly at me.

"I'm his fiancee." I said, showing her my ring. She sighed then nodded, allowing me to go through with Mikey.

"Fiancee?" Mikey whispered. I nodded, showing my ring to him. We hadn't told anyone yet. We were going to, tonight. I guess it didn't matter.

"Frank!" Mrs. Way said, engulfing my in a hug. "They let you back."

"Fiancee." Mikey mumbled. It was way more awkward confirming that to his entire family than I'd thought.

We sat for hours, just waiting. A doctor came back every once in a while to tell us that Gerard was stable and they'd do their best to fix him as soon as possible. Apparently they were running a bunch of tests and shit, trying to find out what was wrong. That didn't make anyone feel better. He was Gerard, he never got sick. What could have possibly been wrong with him? We found out about ten hours later.

Cancer.

I think I may have cried to hardest, because they let me go back to see him first. I felt really bad about it. Mr. and Mrs. Way should have gone first. Mikey should have gone first. Not me. I wasn't really family. Nevertheless, they told me to go first.

He looked dead. It was heartbreaking to see his pale face covered by his stringy black hair. I didn't like seeing him like this, but I couldn't just walk away. He needed me here for him, because we were together, and being here for him would be good.

"Frankie." he said when I sat on the edge of his bed. I took his hand and kissed it, trying not to cry again. I had to be strong, for him. "Cancer, huh? How much bullshit is that? I've been pretty damn healthy my whole life, and now this shit? Fuck that."

"Gee." I whispered, letting a few tears slip.

"Hey, don't cry." He said, reaching a hand up to wipe away my tears. "I'll be okay Frankie. Promise."

 

He's been in the hospital for a month now. It's snowing and Jersey looks more dull without him. I looked out at the snow and all I could think was... 'Gerard would love to be rolling around out there. ' He would. He would do it for me.

I visit him every day. I've become great friends with the nurse. She let's me sneak in some good food for Gerard, he deserves it. She tells me she's praying for him every night. It makes me feel a lot better, at least someone's praying. Today I was talking to Gerard and he looked me straight in the eye and went 'I wrote a song.'

"That's great baby." I said, smiling. He handed me the paper with the lyrics on it and I couldn't help but cry all over the damn sheet. They lyrics were, as follows:

 

Turn away,  
If you could get me a drink  
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded  
Call my aunt Marie  
Help her gather all my things  
And bury me in all my favorite colors,  
My sisters and my brothers, still,  
I will not kiss you,  
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.

Now turn away,  
'Cause I'm awful just to see  
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,  
Oh, my agony,  
Know that I will never marry,  
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo  
But counting down the days to go  
It just ain't living  
And I just hope you know

That if you say (if you say)  
Goodbye today (goodbye today)  
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you  
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

 

He's not getting any better. It's April now, and all the snow's melted away. Jersey still doesn't look any brighter and I think I'm going crazy. I've missed a lot of school because I don't want to leave his side. I need to be updated on everything that's happening, because he's the most important thing in my life. I don't think there's been a day I haven't cried. He hasn't left the hospital. He can't move around on his own. He's barely able to eat, and he barely squeezes my hand back when I hold his. Mikey hasn't been in to see him. He's too busy keeping me caught up in school and keeping himself caught up. I'm pretty sure this is harder on him than me. Ray and Bob have been though, and Bob actually cried. Bob has emotion. Who knew?

The nurse told me I had to go home for the night. She gave me the sympathetic look she always gives and said they'd call if anything bad happened. Or anything good. I made her call for any change at all, actually. She know's not to test me, because she didn't call when Gerard couldn't go pee by himself the first time and I ripped her a new one.

I stayed up all night with my phone right by my side. She didn't call. That meant he was okay.

 

I'm pretty sure the hospital people are tired of me. I'd be tired of me too, but they just didn't understand. How was I supposed to fucking live without Gerard? He'd been in my life for a year and three months now. He was the only thing that kept me going these days. God, why the fuck did he have to get sick?

"Gee?" I asked one day.

"Yea Frankie?" He mumbled.

"You're trying right? To get better?"

"What?" He asked, making an effort to sit up. "Yes, I'm trying. I'm letting them pump me full of fucking chemo. I'm doing all the tests. I'm losing my hair! I'm trying."

"Lay down Gee..." I frowned, pushing him back. He went way too easily. I didn't like that.

 

They said there was nothing they could do. They couldn't save him. No one told me it would hurt so fucking much. I laid in his bed with him, holding him close to me while we cried. Mikey came in for the first time in a while. He cried really hard too. Ray and Bob tried not to, but you could tell they wanted to. So collectively, as the good friends we'd become, we all cried and held each other. I swore to Gerard I'd never take his ring off. I wouldn't, either. It's a part of him I'll never be able to lose.

 

Months came and went. Gerard still held on. We celebrated his twenty-first birthday. We celebrated my eighteenth. He was still really sick. Even worse now that they took him off of chemo. He rarely left bed. He barely ate. I was afraid to touch him because it would be the worst thing ever if he broke even more. We watched a lot of movies. Specifically Frankenstein. He held my hand as tightly as he could manage.

Mikey, Ray and Bob spent a lot of time in the basement with us. We tried to act like nothing was wrong, but it never really worked. No one's smiles were genuine. No one looked at Gerard without getting tears in their eyes. The cold hard truth was, there was something wrong. A lot was wrong. We weren't right anymore. We weren't picking on each other. We couldn't do our band anymore. Gerard couldn't paint anymore. No one could laugh anymore.

 

"I'm going crazy, Gerard." I said, rubbing my face. "The state of mind I'm in? I'd call it fucking mad. I'm insane." He looked at me and laughed.

"Frankie, you're not going crazy."

"I am." I sighed. He made an effort to pull me down to him so he could kiss me firmly on the lips.

"I love you Frank." He said.

"I love you too." I smiled. "But I'm still going crazy."

"Frankie." He sighed, rubbing his face. "Madness is not a state of mind, madness is a place, let's go there shall we?" Gerard whispered, just before he closed his eyes. Little did I know, it was for the last time.

 

The funeral was small, like he would have liked. We all gave a speech on why he was so important to us. I cried a lot. I grieved. I did my best to let him go, but I'll never release him from my heart. He's the single most important person to me. No matter who I meet, who comes along, who I date... no one will ever be as important as he is. He will forever be my best friend, my boyfriend, fiancee, lover... he will be the only person that could make me babble like an idiot. The only one that could make my heart speed up and slow down all at the same time. I could spend a lifetime trying to find a man like him, but it would never happen. I'd never try to make it. The best I could do would be to pretend I'm okay eventually. Move on, build a family... but it'll never be the same as if it were with him. I know that. I'm okay with that. I know he's watching over me. That makes it a little easier.

 

It's been ten years. I'm twenty-eight now. I can't handle life a lot of the time, but I've found someone. He's pretty awesome. I explained Gerard to him. He know's he'll never take his place. He's okay with that... I think Gee would've wanted me to be with him. Gee would've wanted to see me happy. I can be happy. Or, at least, I can try.

 

We got married last year. I'm thirty-five now. We adopted a kid. I named him Gerard.

 

Mikey and Ray finally tied the knot. I'm happy for them. Bob get's married this year. I'm happy for him too. It's not as good as if Gee were here though. I'm trying, but I'll never be over him. I still have his ring on a chain around my neck. I never take it off. I'll never let him go.

 

My husband passed away. I don't feel like he's watching over me. Just Gerard. I'm okay with that. My grandchildren were just born. Twins. I'm fifty-three."

 

"That's the last entry." Hannah said, closing the journal and looking at her brother. "That was sixteen years ago, Jordan."

"Wow." Jordan breathed, taking the raggedy old journal from his sisters hands. "I wonder how different life would be if Gerard was poppa... not dad..."

"Way different." Hannah said.

"Kids?" they heard from the bottom of the steps.

"Just a second Gramps!" Hannah said. "We have to hide the journal." she whispered to Jordan.

"Journal?" Frank said, coming to the top of the steps. "I asked you kids to find my old guitar. What the heck are you doing?" he laughed. His eyes landed on the journal and he frowned immediately. "Oh. That."

"Sorry poppa..." Jordan frowned. "We got curious... then we got carried away..."

"It's okay." Frank said, sitting on the floor with his two grandkids. "I was an irritating teenager. I complained a lot."

"It was a beautiful story poppa." Hannah said.

"It was so long ago." Frank sighed. He took the journal and flipped through the pages. A picture of Gerard laying on the hospital bed fell out, followed by one of Gerard and Frank curled up on the couch sleeping, and another of Gerard just smiling, because he could, because he was happy. "He was so beautiful." And then Frank was crying over a man he hadn't cried over in sixteen years. A man he'd never forgotten, but finally stopped grieving for.

"He was really cute." Hannah smiled, taking on of her grandfathers hands. "And it was a beautiful love story."

"I was wondering what that necklace was you always wear." Jordan said.

"I'll never forget him." Frank said, kissing his journal. "Let's go eat dinner."

 

That night, laying in bed, Frank couldn't help but to feel like Gerard was laying with him. He felt safe and secure, a feeling he hadn't felt in fifty-one years. He closed his eyes, holding his journal to his chest. It was time to let go, he could feel it. Time to gracefully pass away. He was old. He was lonely. And his grandkids at least would know, he died from a broken heart.

It was easy to let go, and when he did, Gerard was right there waiting for him.

"I've missed you." Gerard breathed, pulling Frank in close.

"I've missed you too." Frank smiled, finally feeling happy and at peace.


End file.
